well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
