Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
