I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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