hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
