Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
