I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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