just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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