I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
