3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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