I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
