i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize