I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
