your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
