Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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