I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
