I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
