i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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