i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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