if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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