I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So many bounce houses so little time
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
