Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
