Your mouth is God's brothel.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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