My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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