One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
