he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
