he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize