he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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