its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
