Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
