well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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