Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
