You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
