Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize