We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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