I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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