Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
