I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
