The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
