Your mouth is God's brothel.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
