I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I stole a fireplace last night.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he high fived his dick after we had sex
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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