She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
