hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I smell stomach acid.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
