I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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