So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I had to cum in my sink.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
