Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize