Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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