i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
