I have demons in me.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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