im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
