This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
