she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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