So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
