I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
there is glitter all over my balls
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
