What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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