Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
