I will die if light touches me.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You are a genius and a whore.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
