There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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