you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
