i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
