i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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