honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
