id be glad to
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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