I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
