The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
