First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
and she was petting her beer can
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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