The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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