haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
