Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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