Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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