He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
