Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
