stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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