Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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