wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
