we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
