remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
