bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
